just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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