well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's shark week go big or go home
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
