They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
