Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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