i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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