Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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