he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
