You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
