I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
