she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize