You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
