then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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