problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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