piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
