Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
