Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
