With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
