Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
