Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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