why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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