But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"