I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
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We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
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Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.