every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..