You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.