at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
