Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
