you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
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where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize