Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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