I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
