OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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