i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
