proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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