we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize