There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
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She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
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"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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