I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
