i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
