Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
