I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
