do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
