on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
