Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
