cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
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we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
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I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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