im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
