pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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