are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
