Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
