tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
