He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
