with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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