Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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