i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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