She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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