i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
