You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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