If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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