we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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