You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
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Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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