I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
