Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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