Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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