ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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