found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
