careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.