Texts From Last Night

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  (478): View more from Georgia

  wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.

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  (478): wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward. http://tfl.nu/6j2p
  Replies (13) Good night (1086) Bad night (2203)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start

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  (617): Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start http://tfl.nu/p90c
  Replies (7) Good night (805) Bad night (3458)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.

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  (940): I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night. http://tfl.nu/ldko
  Replies (16) Good night (984) Bad night (3674)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest

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  (937): the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest http://tfl.nu/2mrs
  Replies (37) Good night (5465) Bad night (1122)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.

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  (703): just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress. http://tfl.nu/rj37
  Replies (7) Good night (2312) Bad night (4056)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys

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  (925): she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys http://tfl.nu/nc2y
  Replies (21) Good night (4133) Bad night (1833)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.

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  (619): After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation. http://tfl.nu/dnza
  Replies (10) Good night (3138) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.

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  (330): He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me. http://tfl.nu/bsc2
  Replies (13) Good night (2250) Bad night (684)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.

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  (202): Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation. http://tfl.nu/g1cn
  Replies (9) Good night (1196) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time

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  (816): Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time http://tfl.nu/d70u
  Replies (8) Good night (1426) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.

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  (781): perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax. http://tfl.nu/ar2h
  Replies (0) Good night (1147) Bad night (1427)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.

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  (214): I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick. http://tfl.nu/4v25
  Replies (8) Good night (2042) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"

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  (502): Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights" http://tfl.nu/0e71
  Replies (1) Good night (930) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.

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  (781): So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO. http://tfl.nu/2fm5
  Replies (6) Good night (627) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?

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  (920): sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew? http://tfl.nu/nuxb
  Replies (4) Good night (462) Bad night (213)

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