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dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
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