I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.