If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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