I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
