They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
